Don't judge a book by its cover...
Or another way to look at it is...
Look at how fantastic and amazing and the utter dog's bollocks my book cover is. So grimy and yellow and eye-slapping bold, like Steve Buscemi taking a drunken piss on Donald Trump's leg.
Fancy a wicked read, then pre-order my spankin' book here.
The process took quite a few back and forths, the fabulous designer Mark from Mecob Design gave me a good old-fashioned chat on the phone, and we slung ideas around. There was a questionnaire, emails, a terrified hot-flush panic that this was it, my debut novel and what if we're getting it wrong and people hate it and I will be sick all over everything. Afraid I'll be forever trying to corner people at buffet tables or just outside toilets to see what they really think of the thing and you get the words every writer dreads, 'It's ...er...nice. Can I go now?'
But finally I calmed down, and we came up with this brassy-crack around the chops design.
Say Hello to my imaginary friend, Onion, in refreshing Simpson yellow. How cool is this cover right?
A little bit more about my main character. She's bitter, gusty, fierce and reckless she's also got an open sewer of a gob on her. I mean really, she's fucking rank.
So let's celebrate my crackin' book cover and Onion's massive affair with the darker side of the English Language by having a giveaway.
What you'll win; Inner-Soul Postcards. (The Onion Edition.)
Snail Mail that truly expresses what the heart feels, in this case, the heart of a grubby angry girl-mutt.
You can win four Postcards designed by me with Onion's favourite swears and phrases on them. Embrace that lost art of snail mail by sending nasty postcards to people you love.
Here are a sneak peek, at some of the beautiful skanky cards themselves...
How to win
Head on over to my Facebook Page.
See the pinned post on the top of the page? Comment underneath with your rankest/funniest insult.
Tag an equally vulgar friend. Sit back
(Nothing racist, homophobic or sexist... well cos I don't like racist, homophobic, sexist pricks.)
Otherwise, go to town. I'll pick the three best insults, and each Champion will win themselves some nasty/gorgeous postcards.
The winner will be declared on 11th of July.
The prize will be posted as soon as the competition winners have been announced.